My rants

Hmmm

2007-07-05T17:54:33Z

It's been so long since I've written I wouldn't even know where to start. I've hurt people, I've been hurt by people. But I'm better now. I refuse to take anyone for granted any longer. I love my friends and everything they mean to me. I will love again.

jadal @ 2006-01-11T18:11:00

2006-01-12T02:13:47Z

I watch the shadows outside the window
wishing I were one of them
I watch the children play on the street
wishing I could be like them

But I am here, in my room, afraid of the world

I watch the rain fall
and dream of dancing in it
I watch the sun shine its light on the world
and dream of feeling it

But I am here, in my room, afraid of being hurt

I watch the ocean churn
wishing I could swim
I watch the forest trees
wishing I could run

But I am here, in my room, afraid of failing

I watch the moon change
and dream of walking on it
I watch the stars twinkle
and dream of swinging on them

But I am here, in my room, afraid of life

I am just afraid

I like this song

2005-10-20T17:44:18Z

All around me are familiar faces
Worn out places, worn out faces
Bright and early for their daily races
Going nowhere, going nowhere
And their tears are filling up their glasses
No expression, no expression
Hide my head i want to drown my sorrow
No tommorow, no tommorow

And i find it kind of funny
I find it kind of sad
The dreams in which i'm dying
Are the best i've ever had
I find it hard to tell you

'cos i find it hard to take
When people run in circles
It's a very, very
Mad world

Children waiting for the day they feel good
Happy birthday, happy birthday
Made to feel the way that every child should
Sit and listen, sit and listen
Went to school and i was very nervous
No one knew me, no one knew me
Hello teacher tell me what's my lesson
Look right through me, look right through me

Leaving me

2005-10-10T19:43:49Z

So my best friend is leaving on October 31 insted of December 5. Hilary is going to bootcamp way before me I am so sad. Who's going to be my movie buddy? Who's going to go see chic flicks with me? Who's going to be draged by me to go see Harry Potter???? I am so lost.

On a completly different note I met Jack Daniels and he and I didn't mix at all. *esh*

D

Movies

2005-09-28T19:51:46Z

Ok so I haven't been home much. Ok so the only time I'm actully home is when I need to eat and have no money or I have run out of clean clothes at Hilary's house.

Hmm went and saw two movies. One: Just Like Heaven, cute, predictable but cute. Two: Corpse Bride, now I liked it not as well as Nightmare Before Christmas, but I liked it just the same. Hilary didn't really like it at all she said that she expected more color in it. The living seem to be colorless and the dead are vibrant with color. I said it was just that the dead had no restrictions while the living did. She still didn't like it.

Drea

I have tails

2005-09-26T05:08:12Z

Yes that's right I have two braids in my hair. Call me pippy and I'll hunt you down and kill you. I can do it. I have the skills and the know how. Anyway I think I've lost my complete mind and need to be taken to a place that has padded rooms and jackets that make you hug yourself. Wahoo isn't life fun like that... or maybe not. So I took out my freshman year book and looked at picture and was really blown away by what I saw. Yeah I know I've changed but I didn't think I changed that much. Back then I would never have dreamed of wearing tight pants that's right all my pants were loss fitting. And I didn't wear that much makeup maybe a little eyeliner but that was all. What a difference 6 years can make huh. Oh well I'm off to be even more random.

Drea

I'm back to where I started.

2005-04-06T07:29:10Z

Well I'm back to where I started almost a year later and I'm back at my moms house. My bf kicked me out and now I"m back. I think I realized a few things one being that I lost contact with really good friends over time like James, Darby, Crystal, Carie everyone. I missed them but now I'm back with a vengaence. Look out world Drea's gonna create some havoc. Waaahooo.

Back to the place I started

2005-04-06T07:21:09Z

So I'm back at my mothers house almost 1 year later. That was all it took and I'm now back. My bf kicked me out. Oh well I'll learn someday I guess. Well I'm out to go do something.

Realizations

2004-10-27T04:18:00Z

Ok so I realized a few things today. I hate where I live (duh) and my *ahems* have grown yet again. What that the hell is this shit about!!!? You know when I gain weight I expect it to go to my ass or hips not my boobs. What the hell! Ok so lets see living situation. It turns out Travis is still screwing Megan. Even though I thought that Travis was broken up with Teresa it truns out they got back together a month after they borke up (news to me) at his request. So now Megans screwing Travis, Travis is dating Teresa and not sleeping with her (wonder why). And where do I fall into all this? Stuck in the middle. My mom keeps telling me to buy a car. Nice idea except for one thing. I don't want to take other pleoples lives into my own hands. Hell would you want me to have a piece of high speed machinery? Well I'm out to find somewhere else to live see ya.

Drea

Men!

2004-08-19T06:25:03Z

Sometimes I don't get men. Oh don't get me wrong I'm a big fan of men (no comments from the peanut gallery). But I don't get the whole circumsetion thing men do. What I love my penis so much that I'm going to cut part of it in a sacrafice to God? WTF. I mean then there's the whole I'll call you tonight which to boys means I'll call you in 3 days. I'm not getting that one either. But it could be that I'm PMSing and therefore must take my aggression out on them. Nah. Well ya'll have a good night. Just because I have incredable amounts of pain doesn't mean that the world can't go on.

I'm ranting and raving aren't I?

Jadal

living situation

2004-08-06T05:59:42Z

Fuck shit damn. I have to move again. I hate moving. And why do I have to move again you may ask. Because my roomates are being pricks. Grrr. I give up on the human race.

hmmm holes

2004-06-14T20:38:13Z

So I have 7 percings. Three in my left ear and two in my right and one in my navel. I unfortunitly have to take the one in my left ear out for work. Then put it back in every night. It starts to hurt after a while. Damn looking respectable. Well whatever don't know what to do today. I do know that I need to get food.

Jadal

I lied

2004-06-07T05:58:26Z

Well I lied I'm not with my bf any longer (that's so not a big suprize). What is a big suprize though is I learned a valuable lesson. Don't ever let myself rely on someone else. I have to take care of my self. And get a weakwilled bf. That's all for now. Ta

Jadal

Hmmm ponderence

2004-03-19T07:02:59Z

I've been pondering things. Not my exsistence but my spiritual growth. I think it's time to move beyond what I'm studying now. Just a thought I'm kicking around.

Other news. I have moved. Yes that's right I no longer live in Santa Rosa. I now live in Lake Port with my baby. *makes grose kissy sounds* Ok I got that out of my system. I love him to pecies scary huh. Well I'm off to bed night night.

jadal @ 2004-02-15T23:34:00

2004-02-16T05:36:38Z

Pain Lyrics

feeling i've been lost for years
you can never understand me
unless you've seen those tears
but you never get to sleep
when i'm away
i don't mind
the deeper that you lay
out of time

pain, i can't sleep

running, running from those days
there's another one inside me
guess i've gone insane
but you always run away
when i come around
i don't mind
the day i'll track you down
run you down

pain, i can't sleep

don't stop, don't talk
do not fuck with me

loaded, loaded up this gun
there's a killer in me
hoping, hope that you're the one
but you always run away
when i come around
i don't mind
the day i'll track you down
terrify

pain, i can't sleep

Same old same old. Except a friend is avoiding me I'm sadden over that fact. I feel bad and sad and stuff. I wish she would talk to me again.

jadal @ 2004-01-30T21:03:00

2004-01-31T05:15:25Z

I took this from my love.

EXOTIC FOREIGNER ALIAS = Favorite Spice + Last Foreign Vacation Spot:
Rosemary Mexico

SOCIALITE ALIAS = Silliest Childhood Nickname + Town Where You First Partied:
Baby Prescott

"FLY GIRL" ALIAS (a la J. Lo) = First Initial + First Two or Three Letters of your Last Name:
A. La

DIVA ALIAS = Something Sweet Within Sight + Any Liquid in Kitchen:
Chocolate Rum.

GIRL? DETECTIVE ALIAS = Favorite Baby Animal + Where You Last Went to School:
Kitty Rosa

BARFLY ALIAS = Last Snack Food You Ate + Your Favorite Drink:
Candy Screwdriver

SOAP OPERA ALIAS = Middle Name + Street Where You First Lived:
Lynnn Unius Court

PORN STAR ALIAS = First Pet's Name + Street You Grew Up On:
Elmo Deerfield

Jedi Name = First 3 letters of your last name + first 2 letters of your first name, First 2 letters of your mother's maiden name + the first 3 letters of your hometown
Lamanbrsan

Humm don't know about that last one.

hmmm

2004-01-26T05:32:41Z

I have a new screen name and I'm messing with people lol.

erg

2004-01-24T02:40:06Z

Alright I hate bladder infections they really bite. erg!!!!!!!!!

Blah blah blah

2004-01-18T04:52:04Z

Yeah so blah. I have to drop english there is no way I can survive it. Have to pay my bf back for my math book. Erg still have to buy my book for fashion design yeah there's a book for fashion design. Whatever.

Drea out

Job

2004-01-11T05:04:39Z

So I think I got the job at my mothers work. I'm going to be doing the filing. Damn all the papers. Oh well.

X-Mass

2003-12-12T04:28:03Z

What is the meaning of it?? I would really like to know and if you say family I will hunt you down and hurt you. Have you ever met my family? NO so don't you dare say it. Well bye bye all.

Drea

School days

2003-09-26T19:37:52Z

I hate my 6 hr art class. But other then that everything is good. bye bye for now.

Pain

2003-07-30T08:14:54Z

I think my heart broke a little more tonight. All I can say is that I'll always love Joseph. He showed me what love could really be about and for that he'll always remain first in my heart. Oh sure I'll have other loves as time goes on but nothing will compare to him. It was a relatively easy break up. No name calling just compliance on both sides. But it still feels kinda bad.

Drifting

2003-07-24T08:43:29Z

I walked into the white washed room where I knew he was laying drifting in and out of conciseness. He was sick I knew that but I still didn’t want to believe it. I kept telling myself that he was going to get better when the truth was he was dying. He was dying and there was nothing I could do to change that fact.
If you had come to me 6 months ago and said that I was going to lose my best friend I would have told you, you were nuts. My friends were all healthy or so I thought.
I can still remember the day when Joey took me to the beach it was and still is one of my favorite places. He had seemed distant all that week and I was glad that I was finally spending some time with him. I took of my shoes and step a little ways out into the water. Joey stayed on the beach not doing much of anything but sitting. I walked over to him and sat right beside him with a big smile on my face hoping that would work, but it didn’t.
“Joey what is with you,” I asked. He just looked at me and said “I went to the doctor on Monday, he said that I have cancer and have about 3 months to live.” I just stared hard into his eyes not knowing what to say to the fact that my best friend told me he was going to die.
“Is there anything that I can do,” I asked knowing that there wasn’t.
“No,” Joey stated, “if they would have caught this six months ago I could have had chemotherapy.” I started to cry. The friend that I had had since the first grade was dying and there was nothing I could do about it.
“No one knows about it but you and my family, I don’t want people to feel sorry for me.” Why did he always have to be so God damn brave? “I don’t want to live my last months on Earth crying,” he said in that brave voice again, “I don’t want you to either.” “A-alright,” I stuttered “I won’t.” He didn’t either he lived like there was nothing wrong with him up until the week before he got really sick and had to be put into the hospital. I never let him see me cry because he asked me not to.
I entered the room I knowing it would be the last thing he ever saw. He was awake when I went in and smiled when he saw me. His mother was sitting by his bed.
“I’ll go and let you two talk for awhile,” she said and left the room. I tried my hardest not to cry but to no avail. The tears began rolling down my checks. When he saw this he frowned at me.
“No tears my angel,” he said in a sweet, low voice, “I don’t want any tears for me.”
“Don’t you think I’m trying not to cry,” I snapped at him.
“Hey,” he said patting the bed down with his head signaling me to come and sit down, “I’m the one laid up in this hospital aren’t I and you don’t see me crying do you.”
“That’s because you’re stronger then I am,” I bellowed as I walked over to sit down next to him.
“Strength has nothing to do with it,” he said sucking in a deep breath and coughing it out “I’m not crying because I don’t want you to see how scared I really am. I’m afraid to die, but I won’t be afraid if you’re here with me.” I leaned over and hugged him. He felt so fragile against me. I hugged him for so long that I thought I would suffocate him. While he lifted his arms around me he whispered softly into my neck.
“What,” I asked wiping away the last of my tears.
“If you hadn’t been smothering me, you would have heard me say that for the longest time I’ve been in love you.” I couldn’t believe it but I knew I felt the same.
“I’ve been in love with you too.” He started to choke for air.
“Will you love me for the rest of my life,” he asked.
I knew that if I said yes it would be a lie so I answered “no I will not. I will love you for the rest of mine.” Then I cradled his head in my hands, leaned down and kissed him our first, last, and only kiss. With that his heart stopped beating and I laid his head back down knowing that what I had said would always be true. I cried even though he had asked me not to. I still cry when I think about him today. I had a few more loves in my life but not one of them came close to my first love. I never told anyone what we had said to one another not even my husband. We are now expecting our first child and the doctors tell me it’s a boy. I have a name for him already my, little Joey.
I don’t know what to tell you of love, I found love at the end of someone’s life. I don’t even know what to tell you to expect. All I know is that you should grab love before it falls away from you.

Changing times

2003-07-23T08:07:22Z

The nights are growing colder that means the season is chaging. Summer is closing and Fall is begining. Can you feel it? Summer is a time of freedom and innocence. But soon it will be over. Scary how much time flies even when one is not having fun.